Clinically reviewed by Paul Doher, BCBA, M.A., LBA, National Director of Clinical Quality

All children are prone to moments of drawing unwarranted attention in public. But for kids with autism, their behaviors can sometimes spark curiosity from others, leaving parents or caregivers scrambling for the right words to communicate about what’s happening in escalated situations. At Acorn Health, we aim to equip parents with practical tips for how to confidently communicate with children about autism and other disabilities.
Teaching children how to react when they witness atypical behaviors of peers is important and quite possible, as children are capable of displaying empathy at a fairly early age. Children typically understand how to be empathetic around age two, but may not necessarily understand more complex emotional scenarios such as knowing when to offer comfort to an upset friend.
We spoke with Paul Doher, National Director of Clinical Quality at Acorn Health, to gain his insights on how to help children of all abilities learn and exercise empathy and acceptance toward their peers.
Q: How can parents of neurotypical children teach their kids to react when they encounter another child with noticeable physical or intellectual disabilities?
A: The best way to teach your children is to model the right behaviors for them. Children learn how to navigate social situations by watching others, so if you want your child to respond a certain way when someone is visibly upset, you must demonstrate those behaviors yourself. Do this by demonstrating for them what you are thinking. For example, kneel down next to your child and say something like, “Oh no, our friend is having a hard time. I hope he/she is okay. Let’s give them some space so we can respect his/her feelings.”
It’s also ok to not immediately know what the best approach is to certain situations. Reach out to your pediatrician or school counselor for tips or resources that can help provide those answers.
Q: If a young child says something out of ignorance that hurts the feelings of a child with autism, what is the best way for a parent to react? (Example: A toddler points and says “he’s acting weird!”)
A: It’s best to give children the benefit of inexperience. They likely didn’t know better and are responding in the most logical way they know how. When something new and strange is in front of us, we can be curious, scared, uneasy and interested.
Parents should:
- Keep it light (“Oh, I didn’t even notice.”)
- Put it in perspective (“Yeah, we’re all a little quirky sometimes”).
- Acknowledge their feelings (“Sometimes people can surprise us!”).
- Most importantly, don’t shame your child! Instead, aim to answer their questions or provide context for them.
- Check in with them later to see if they have any additional questions about the experience.
Q: How can parents teach children of all abilities to be inclusive of children with autism?
A: Exposing children to people with different abilities can help. Several children’s TV shows have characters with disabilities and those can be a good introduction to understanding differences. Examples include:
- Daniel Tiger includes a child with autism and a physically disabled classmate in his classroom
- Sesame Street features a child with autism in some episodes
- Punky is a show about a girl with Down Syndrome living with her grandparents
- Carl the Collector is a new show set to debut in 2024 on PBS that features a warm-hearted raccoon character with autism who enjoys collecting things
Your local library will also have resources on age appropriate books you can read with your child that celebrate the differences of individuals with autism or other disabilities.
Q: Relating to organized sports and activities, how can neurotypical children be inclusive of children with intellectual differences?
A: It can be difficult for children to practice being empathetic during competitive sports because they often revolve around competition and winning. Instead, we recommend starting with casual sports in your backyard to keep things friendly and fun. Whether it’s with siblings or neighbors, kids can practice empathy and kindness during games of catch, basketball, soccer or flag football. Through interactive activities and positive coaching, children can learn to encourage one another even during competitive activities.
If you find that your child asks questions and wants to know more, be open and honest. If they are the type to watch and process silently, opportunities will come up later to talk about it. You are their best resource and role model in helping your child be more inclusive, kind and accepting of children of all abilities!
If you’d like to inquire about beginning ABA therapy services to support your child with an autism diagnosis, call Acorn Health at 844-244-1818 or complete an online inquiry form at acornhealth.com/admissions.